The Convenience of Children Shelters
Do you ever feel like something is wrong, but you don’t know how to make it right? It’s easier to stay in the status quo rather than make the necessary change. I am currently in this situation.
I work with children shelters. I hate it all — the concept itself and the community surrounding it.
Let me tell you why.
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Children shelters here are regular houses that serve as places for children from disadvantaged backgrounds (i.e., poor, abused, neglected, from broken families) to stay for a long period of time. The house provides accommodation, food, healthcare, tuition fees — until they complete their studies or vocational training. These children are not orphans; most have at least one living parent. They can go home on weekends and for long holidays.
There are multiple parties involved in children shelters, including:
- The children themselves
- Their parents/grandparents
- The managers — the people who run the shelters, seek funding, deal with authorities, and supervise operations
- The workers — those who directly work with the children: head of house, cook, educator, intern, volunteers
- The donors — those who provide financial or material support, both local and international
Now let’s dive deeper into how each of these parties is involved.
1. Parents
Some parents treat shelters like free boarding schools where their child’s living expenses are covered by someone else. No wonder families keep their children in shelters as long as possible. No need to worry about money. When the kids return home, they bring snacks, milk, noodles, rice, etc. Someone else feeds them, makes sure they shower, go to school, do homework. Someone else pays the school bills and brings them to the hospital when they’re sick. The child even gets to do sports and extracurricular activities — for free.
Shelters are a heaven-sent solution for struggling parents. And if parents really care, they pick up their children on Friday night, let them spend the weekend at home, and drop them back on Sunday night. How convenient it is!
2. Managers
Those who manage shelters seem to want to keep them running for as long as possible. Shelters are achievements — a badge of honor. “Look how many children we’re helping! We’ve managed these shelters for 30 years! How wonderful our organization is.”
If the number of children goes down, it’s a bad sign — fewer children means less money from donors. If shelters close, there are fewer donations, fewer achievements to showcase, fewer opportunities to appear on national TV. But with shelters? We’re working with poor children, helping them go to school. How kind we are! Praise, recognition, prestige — these come with the territory. And the presence of the shelters, the faces of the children, provide just that.
How convenient shelters are!
3. Donors
Donating to shelters gives a sense of self-fulfillment. “Yes, I’m contributing to those who are suffering. I’m a generous person. May my family stay healthy and peaceful,” they think.
Shelters become a place where money is exchanged for merit — the kind needed in this life, and the next. “I’m helping poor children, so maybe in the next life, I’ll be born into a rich family.” But do they care if the money they give only exaggerates the suffering?
They are helping keep children in shelters longer, instead of supporting their return to their families. They are directly creating generation after generation of people who think if they look desperate enough, they can live a free life. Instead of building capacity, we stamp it out — making everything too easy, giving away freebies. Saying, “Look how wonderful I am to you.”
How convenient shelters are! A currency exchange place, where money and material goods become merit. Where actual needs and sustainability don’t need to be taken into account. Where donor needs and wants are placed above all else. Where money decides. Suffering shouldn’t end — it should last longer, so there’s somewhere to exchange for merit.
4. Workers / Volunteers
For those who work at the shelters, it’s about self-acknowledgement. “Yes, I’m doing good work.”
Students volunteer to teach the children. What do they seek? A new experience to put on their résumé. Something to write in their college essays, hoping it translates into a scholarship. “I worked with underprivileged children in shelters. I taught them Math and English.” But do they know the children learn the alphabet, numbers, colors, days of the weeks and animals in English multiple times a week — with different volunteer groups? Each group comes in thinking the ABCs and colors are useful and helpful, again and again.
Interns — do they know the children memorize the same questionnaires? Because every few weeks, another intern shows up, asking the same questions for their report. Again and again. So the intern can pass their class. So the university can add another graduate. So the shelter can say, “Interns come daily to speak with the children 1-on-1.”
How convenient it is!
And what do the children get?
Their days are filled with activities set by adults — adults who should prioritize the children’s holistic well-being. But no. The adults think only of themselves.
The adults rely on the children — for income, gifts, prestige, praise, fulfillment.
And the children? What do they get?
They get labeled as “shelter children.” Which gives them freebies — and bullies.
They are mocked and looked down on by classmates and even teachers.
It’s already hard when your parents don’t show up at school meetings.
But when you’re a “shelter child”? That’s another level of shame.
Adults bring milk and rice to the shelter:
“Hey kids, come here, take the milk and smile for the camera.”
Adults put cameras in their faces:
“Say something nice about Mrs. A.”
Adults bring chalk and worksheets:
“Sit down and learn the ABCs. I don’t care whether you want to or need to. Hold the pen. Look happy.”
Adults say:
“Bring some kids over on bicycles. We’ve got leftover noodles. Make sure they wear dirty clothes.”
Children in dirty clothes, on bikes, receiving noodle bags — the perfect image for a charity post.
What are we teaching the children with these actions?
We teach them that obedience brings rewards.
That performing poverty brings handouts.
That they deserve more — not because they work harder — but because they look poorer.
That posing as cheerful is enough.
“I’ll only go to school if I have an electric bike.”
– A special request from a child at the shelter.
This table explains in brief what different stakeholders gain from the shelters:
Shelters are transactional spaces where everyone gets something out of it.
I hate visiting them. It drains me.
Everyone is trying to get something.
It feels like being sucked to the core.
Many people are involved, yet it feels empty. Meaningless.
How much longer can I last here?
How much longer will this survive?
How many more children will be sucked into this life-draining place?
When will it stop?
When will managers stop recruiting more children into this machine?
When will parents stop relying on shelters to raise their children?
When will donors stop feeding these machines?
Please — find another way to feel fulfilled.
Don’t destroy more childhoods.
When will I stop working with these soul-sucking machines?
I want it to stop now.